Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The power of my boobs compel you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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