the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
3pm strippers are depressing
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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