She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
