His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
