im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
