My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
