why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think a kid would responsible me up
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize