If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
...so i touched it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
