im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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