I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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