He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
