Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize