I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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