I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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