I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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