Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
