the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
