Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
