tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize