Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
