Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
