he told me I talked like a deaf person
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize