She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
