Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
