That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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