I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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