Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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