:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
