I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
