Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
