I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
