He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
