Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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