Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
