Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So vagazzling was a success
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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