I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
