he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
