were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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