i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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