no, he came in my armpit
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
