oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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