just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
