Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
