I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
