got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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