Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i think i just lost a toe
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
