I hate all girls vehemently.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
