he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
