he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
