it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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