Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you inspire me to be a worse person
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
