My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
