did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
