Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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