I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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