she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
