Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
