i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
