I think my fart just growled at me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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