Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
