If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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