If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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