Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Alive.
So much puke
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
