So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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