so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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