i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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