I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
