dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
