I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
