I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
