In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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