one two three fourrrrnication!
im six kinds of drunk right now
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
